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cards.txt
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cards.txt
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LORE AND LEGENDS OF QUENDOR
GRUE
The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the
earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is
tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light
of day; few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.
DISCIPLINE CRAB
Discipline crabs are small, moral crustaceans found in cellars, fallout
shelters and other subterranean lairs. These brooding curmudgeons are
deeply offended by the slightest intrusion; if cornered, they employ
their razor-edged pincers with righteous efficiency.
ELDRITCH VAPOR
Eldritch vapors dwell in cemeteries, moors and other locales where fog
will hide their evershifting forms. Gleeful and mischievous, they enjoy
snatching away the possessions of those foolish enough to wander into
their realm. Visitors without possessions are themselves snatched away.
DORNBEAST
Smart adventurers run the other way when they hear "Hurumph," the battle
cry of the deadly dornbeast. Its 69 sensitive eyes can paralyze an
unwary explorer with a single glare. Captured victims are plastered with
round, sticky secretions that never come off.
MONKEY GRINDER
Avoid this nightmare at any cost! Spawn of a carnival necromancer, the
monkey grinder can blast minds to jelly with its powerful Sense Organ.
Deceptively eloquent in both manner and speech, these loathsome
creatures actually possess little intelligence, and suffer an illiteracy
rate of 103%.
IMPLEMENTOR
The Implementors are a race of minor deities who dwell on the Ethereal
Plane of Atrii. Their ample free time is spent on costly luncheons where
gossip and sweet nectars flow freely. Implementors do not discourage
rumors that the world was created by them as a plaything.
GIANT CORBIE
Corbies are carrion birds with sharp eyesight and sharper beaks. Their
color vision is so well developed, they can spot a yellow grotch in a
hayfield from 200 bloits away. Corbies prefer the taste of dead, rotting
flesh, but have been known to feast on live, running adventurers.
CHRISTMAS TREE MONSTER
Vast herds of these luminous vegetables roam freely amid the glacial
valleys of the south. Residents fear the autumn migrations, in which the
trees cheerfully trample everything in their path. Christmas tree
monsters are repelled by caterpillars, but nobody can explain why.
MINX
Irresistably cuddly, the minx shares all the most ingratiating
characteristics of kittens, koala bears and piglets. Minxes are highly
prized for their ability to find and root out chocolate truffles from
the ground, and will eagerly devour them if given the opportunity.
UNICORN
Most unicorns have fled to the Plane of TransInfinite Splendor, where
they enjoy a carefree existence free from the cruelty of man. The
unhappy few left behind are eagerly sought by zoos and private
collectors. It is good luck to kiss a unicorn's horn; but woe to any
fool who harms one.
FROON
Legends of this magical kingdom date back before the reign of Entharion
the Wise (0-41 GUE). Said to lie somewhere beyond the clouds, Froon was
the setting for a series of beloved children's books by L. Frank Fzort,
and later became a successful movie musical starring Judy Garlic.
HUNGUS
Part sheep, part hippopotamus, the hungus builds its nest in jungle
swamps and other hot, squishy places. Normally docile and eager to avoid
conflict or activity of any kind, the hungus is fiercely clannish, and
will instantly charge at anything that dares to threaten its kin.
SPENSEWEED
The healing virtues of this common roadside plant are well documented.
Although it is safe to eat, spenseweed is most effective when applied
directly to wounds as a salve. Avoid the cheap commercial preparations,
which may contain artificial coloring and preservatives.
CHOCOLATE TRUFFLE
Chocolate truffles grow only between the roots of oak trees. Dark brown
when fresh, they decompose rapidly once exposed to air. Truffles were a
favorite of Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive (770-789 GUE), who
ordered the excavation of entire forests to indulge his bottomless
appetite.
MOSS OF MAREILON
First classified in 843 GUE by Thwack of Mareilon, this soft, pale
fungus thrives in underground tunnels and public toilets. When squeezed,
the moss releases an invisible cloud of spores which improves the
dexterity of laboratory rat-ants. Its effect on other species is
uncertain.
COMPASS ROSE
The stem of this rare annual always droops in the direction of the
prevailing wind. Rumors that the compass rose can actually control the
wind are hotly denied by the Guild of Meteorologists, who harvested the
species to the brink of extinction in the Rose Riots of 811 GUE.
MORGIA ROOT
It is a rare enchanter who does not carry morgia root to gnaw on during
a long journey. The mint-flavored juice improves stamina, slakes
thirst and conceals bad breath. In domestic applications, morgia root is
often baked into pies, and makes an excellent platypus stuffing.
CRUEL PUPPET
Few creatures are more despised than the cruel puppet. It attacks by
twisting itself into unflattering caricatures of its opponent,
accompanied by jeers, rude noises and shocking accusations. Staunch
monarchs have been reduced to tears by these merciless shapeshifters.
DUST BUNNY
Dust bunnies burrow in obscure corners and under furniture, and defend
their territory by multiplying. They can clog a passageway in seconds,
filling the air with dark, suffocating particles. Static electricity and
lemon-scented sprays are their only natural enemies.
PHEEBOR
Ruins of this ancient city are still visible at the confluence of the
rivers Phee and Bor. The reason for its downfall (circa 400 BE) is
unclear, but minstrels sing of a feud between Pheebor and its sister
city Borphee over the naming of what is now called the Borphee River.
RED HERRING
These common fish patrol the dark recesses of freshwater pools and
streams. But a handful of granola brings them racing to the surface, a
fact known by every rural schoolboy. The old adage about red herrings
being "good brain food" has no scientific basis.
LUCKSUCKER
Lucksuckers feed on good fortune. Part physical entity, part mental
phenomenon, the sucker's appearance is based on the laws of probability,
and may change without warning. Good luck charms provide only a
temporary shield against attack. The best strategy is to run!
UR-GRUE
Ur-grues are thought to be the shades of fallen Implementors. Skilled in
black sorcery, the ur-grue can envelop itself in a personal zone of
darkness which neither lamp nor flame can penetrate. Sunlight is the
only thing it fears. It is unwise even to speak of this utterly evil
entity.
THE COCONUT OF QUENDOR
Though reluctant to dismiss the Coconut outright, most historians regard
its historical existence as dubious at best. Orkan of Thriff has
suggested that if all the "Shards of The One True Coconut" and "Vials of
The Blessed Milk" were gathered in one place, they would form a stack
nine bloits high.