how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.md
why read this book?
- dealing with people is the biggest problem you'll face in life.
- 15% of one's financial success is due to technical knowledge and 85% is due to skill in human engineering.
- an engineer is replacable. an engineeer who can assume leadership and arise enthusiasm among people is rare.
- ability to deal is people is a very valuable commidity in the workplace.
- knowledge in this book has been gathered from: interviews, reading biographies, practically testing things in the real world in a group of people, etc.
Chapter 1.1: Never criticize
- people don't criticize themselves, however wrong it may be. people rationalize their actions.
- if you criticize others, it will put them on the defensive. it causes them to resent you.
- instead of critizing people for bad behavior, reward them for good behavior. that's a more effective way to change behavior.
- eg. instead of criticizing people for not wearing hats (they will only be compliant when you're around), remind them in a pleasant tone of voice that it is for their safety and suggest that it should be worn.
- human nature: wrongdoers will blame everybody but themselves. if your goal is to make them realize their faults, criticizing them sure won't get you there. such critizing will only make people criticize us back.
- lincon: don't judge others and they will not judge you.
- realize that you'd probably do the same thing if you put yourself in the other person's shoes.
- when you hurt someone (and don't make any further attempts to resolve it), that's what they remember the most even several years later.
- trick: just go around talking about the good you know of everybody, and don't criticize anyone -- to their face, or behinf their backs.
- when someone does something incredibly bad, and deserve harsh criticism. tell them it's ok, and I understand you're as distraught over this as anyone else, I want to give you another chance. you get him on your side this way.
- instead of criticizing, focus on understanding why they do what they do.
Chapter 1.2: Give honest appretiation
- the only way to can make another person do something, is by making them want to do it.
- you can make them want to do it by giving them what they want: health, money, relationships, meaning. a much deeper desire, is the desire to be great / important.
- eg. meet each of your employees and tell them how what they're doing is the most important job ever
- people have a deep craving to be appretiated.
- you can judge a person's character by what gives them the feeling of importance.
- All you need to arouse enthusiasm among your people is appretiation and encouragement.
- Even the smartest people fall for appretiation (but not for flattery).
- Appretiate, but don't flatter. Flattery is understand what other people want to be feel important for, and say +ve things about them on it. Appretiation is saying good things about what you see +ve from your perspective.
- Each time you see someone do anything good, make sure you appretiate them for it. Soon other aspect that they're not doing so well will also start to improve.
Chapter 1.3: arouse in the other person an eager want
- To influence others, understand what they want and show them how to get it.
- To influence others, talk in terms of what the other person want, not what you want.
- eg. if you're a mother and concern that your son doesn't respond to your messages, instead of emotional blackmail or making up excuses, do this -- understand what the sone wnats, and find a way to give it to thim. If he's looking for a job, connect him to potential employers. If he's looking for money, give him a little bit of money. etc.
- eg. if I'm looking to get a promotion, I need to understand what my boss wants, and give it to him.
- encouraging a kid to go to kindergarden: do something that he learns at kindergarden, tell him he can't do it because he will learn it at kindergarden. it makes the kid excited to go.
- sudden increase in the rent for the hotel? write advantages and disadvantages on a sheet of paper and give it to the hotel. show them from their perspective the advantage of doing things your way. talk from their perspective.
- secret of success: ability to see things from other's point of view, as well as from your own.
- never talk about what you desire, or how successful you are when you want to do sales. talk about what your client desires.
- when you want a job, don't tell them what you know. tell them how you can help improve their products.
Chapter 2.1: become genuinely interested in other people
- be interested about other poeple, don't try to get them to be interested in you
- be nice to everyone around you, and be interested in them
- we like people who admire us.
Chapter 2.2: making a good first impression - just smile
- the expression on the face is more important than the dress that you wear.
- smile more, each time to see people. the smile comes through in the voice.
- just smile with your partner, each time you're tlaking to them. it'll improve the vibe of the house.
- smile everyone you're talking to. make this a natural part of yoruself.
- looking at you smile, improve the mental state of the person in front of you
Chapter 2.3:
- remember people's names. call them by their names. they will feel valued.